Explained: "Had You Wept" Poem by Thomas Hardy

In "Had You Wept", poet and writer Thomas Hardy tries to understand the dynamic between a man (possibly him) and his girlfriend or wife after something goes wrong in the relationship and the woman, instead of shedding tears during an earlier argument, just remained calm and silent.

Our protagonist opines that since tears are highly powerful and effective weapons in a woman's emotional arsenal, people or the society expect most of them to use it to get what they want. But in his case, his wife or girlfriend does not cry, does not give vent to her feelings; she just felt too much, according to the protagonist and hence, "gained no balm" for her "undying sorrow".

The Had You Wept poem carries a very important and revealing line, which could be said to be Thomas Hardy's assumption or observation of women during his time.

He says in the poem: "The deep strong woman is the weakest, the weak one is strong."

What does he mean by this line?

Does he mean to say that it was a common perception in the English society at that time that a woman who has a lot of depth, who feels a range of emotions deeply and is internally very strong will not weep or cry to get her way with others and as such, if she cannot manipulate others, she could be considered weak. Conversely, Hardy's version of a "weak" woman is the one who cries easily and uses her tears as a weapon. In this way, since she tries to wields her tears as a power, she is strong.

After reading " Had You Wept" by Thomas Hardy, I had a question. By the end of the poem, the protagonist has come to believe that had she wept, things wouldn't have remained that tough between them, that some or a great amount of pain would have been greatly reduced. My question is this: But had she wept, would he be willing to believe that she wasn't using her tears as a weapon?How would he have seen her then? The weak one who is strong?

Hardy also uses the term "gifts" for "tears". Via the protagonist, he asks the woman if she was not given these tears as gifts or did she just deny them.

The protagonist in "Had You Wept" feels that owing to the woman being possibly a stoic, who does not shed a single tear, the "dark undying pain" remains in their relationship.